Freedom

"Let the one without sin cast the first stone, yet the one without sin never had a stone..."

Do we really understand this?

I think this is my problem.

I finally figured it out.

I still really fear God.

I think He's out to get me. That He's waiting for me to mess up. Always watching me, rooting for me to fail. Waiting to take the rug out from under me. Telling me to jump without a parachute.

I believe in some ways that the war, this race, is about pain and not about love. That it's about punishment and not reverence.

Oh and by the way, the war was already won. Remember?

Because if I really understood that God isn't here to condemn, but to save, I would be free.

Freedom is knowing who you live for.

And if I, in my soul of souls, know that the One I live for is FOR ME and not against me...

well,

then I would be unstoppable.

I refuse to believe in a God made in my own image. Made in my own fears, misconceptions and familiarities.

While it's easier to believe in a punitive God, I choose Truth.

I can't survive this life without a God that is for me. I am just frankly too mediocre.

Now that too is freedom.

"So I rejoice in my weaknesses, rejoice in my hardships, rejoice in my persecutions, for when I am weak, then I am strong."

How can Paul write this?

Because he knew who lived for. And he knew that Who he lived for was not his biggest Advocate,

He was his only Advocate.

Freedom.