He waits longer than us

I'm so sorry that today I doubted You so intensely that I was ready to give up. Stop going to church, stop praying, stop expecting miracles.

I'm sorry that my humanity is so incapable of housing Your spirit, Your faith, Your will.

I'm sorry that I'm disobedient, rash, and so bad at listening most days.

Thank you that even though I disengaged, You didn't. Even though I fought You, maligned You, questioned Your goodness and faithfulness, You stayed still. You stayed quiet. You didn't even defend Yourself.

You waited. You waited for me to cry it out. Come to an end of my tantrum. You didn't tap Your foot in impatience. You watched in love, collected my tears as I cried, sat next to me.

No matter how hard I try I can't flee from You. I can't give up on You. I can't bring myself to leave You.

You and I are One.

That's not frustrating. It's freeing. It's not annoying, it brings so much peace.

Thank You for not shrinking back from my irrational wrath. You are the only thing good about Me.

It's is only You that shines through Me. That is what is compelling, nothing else.

I love You. I will never stop believing in You. Although I don't fully understand Your ways, I will stay engaged,

not because I have nothing else,

but because You are better than anything else.