Perhaps one of the most important blogs I'll write

because i never realized how real the battle was until friday - 2/25/11. on the same day, i witnessed the birth of a specific redemption, a redemption i unknowingly prayed for since age 7.

see it's real because just 24 hours before i went through it, my pastor did too. the EXACT same battle. We looked at one another today and laughed - satan really is that unoriginal..and real.

because on that night, i thought my life was over. i thought i had lost it - full on psychotic break. but God was so much more real in that moment. i thought i saw him. sitting quietly next to me, watching me intently, not letting anything actually touch me although i felt like death was upon me.

but see the closer you are to actually working the works of God, the more intense the battle will get. the more dependent we will become on God. the more we will realize that we are all that close to insanity and death, but for the MERCY of God.

and the mercy of God is SO powerful. I've spent 8 weeks studying it now. Mercy is the most powerful attribute of God - it is the basis of humanity's salvation. Eschatological hope. Research it.

All of our inclinations are actually true: everything is spiritual. everything is a battle. we can be steadfast even if we have emotional ups and downs. growth can be in fact exponential, years of growth can be contracted into weeks, months at God's command. we can be used - the Holy Spirit isn't just for one person - to believe otherwise is actually a sin. 2011 is the year of power.

This is what else: God is light. When His light shines, it really does feel like darkness. Also, it's ok to not know. Most of living a life that makes dents in the universe involves a lot more unknowing and way less control.

Reverent disciplined unknowing.

The reverent part is key. KEY. Reverence means letting go of our own agendas and need for knowing. Letting go of our need for an easy life. Reverence means coming out of our place and going to God's.

There is a time to be fed and wait for God to meet us where we are at, and then there's a time to run with full force toward where God is. Because where He is, there is power. Because where He is, there are miracles. Because where He is, we are truly free.

And get ready. So very ready for the battle. It will NOT end you. But it will end any belief you had that you could do it on your own.

So she prayed about a jewel. She prayed about a well, three steps and light. She prayed about primary water over secondary water for thirst. But most of all she prayed this:

Stay tuned for greatness.