Single

It is sobering when you realize how much your thoughts are NOT His thoughts. How your ways are so NOT His ways.

No matter how sure you are of anything, all must be submitted unto Him and His purposes. All must be clarified. All must be held loosely. He really does give and take away.

I am learning now that hearing from God is a lifelong process that will include many, many mistakes, misinterpretations and setbacks. Not because God isn't clear or because He is one of confusion.

But because we are just simply that inadequate. Because it's like a lion trying to talk to an ant. But by His immense mercy, He so desperately wants to speak, to enlighten, to communicate. Treasures in jars of clay. We are the clay jars and He is our treasure. Why He chose to take up residence in such an inopportune place, I'll never know. I mean Jesus was born in a stable so go figure.

This process of hearing, in my experience, is toughest when it comes to matters of the heart. This could mean relationships, jobs we think we really want, destinies we feel we've been promised, etc.

So many times the things we think we really desire amount to lust. Temporary fixes based on emotion and not fire.

I am only now figuring out what I REALLY desire. And that's because I am now only realizing that I want this desire to come from the Other Side and not from myself. I want a deposit from the Most High. Not something based on my social preferences, my talents, my whims, my bleeding heart, my neediness.

More importantly, I realize now that this deposit should and has to come now when I am single. Before I give my heart over to any earthly man. Because it's true, no matter how much you disagree, the way you interact and give of yourself to God will be wholly different when married. That's just the truth.

So I re-commit to this time of singleness. I want it to result in immense fruit, fruit that is wrought from an intimacy with God that is unique to singleness. I proclaim to my God that it is in fact an honor that I have lived all these years with only Him to lean on, watch sunsets with, turn to in times of need and joy.

Today, I feel so blessed to be single. I am so excited to receive that deposit. To be ignited in a way that doesn't need human hype or human doing. But to be released into my purpose so fully that I become relentless, an animal.

Son of David, have mercy on me! Fill me with love and desire that will tilt nations. I'm ready.