I have decided I have resolved
To wait upon you Lord
My rock and redeemer shield and reward
I'll wait upon you Lord
As surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us
As certain as the dawn appears
You'll come let your glory fall
As you respond to us
Spirit reign flood into our thirsty hearts again
You'll come
We are not shaken we are not moved
We wait upon you Lord
Our Mighty deliverer my triumph and truth
We wait upon you Lord
Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Heart Call
To this day I can't fight it.
How many years it's been since i started or let's say stopped my ministry, my visits to the slums.
To this day, I see pictures and I cry. I cry in a way that longs for release. Release back there.
It's not noble. It's not social. It's not the activist inside me.
All of that has been burned away, washed up by time. Cleared out by a Greater cause. Faded with Time.
But this has remained. It really has.
It's been 3 years since Kibera. 5 since the Philippines. 23 since I left my mother land.
My heart aches in a way I can't explain. It runs in my blood. Etched in my bones.
I smell it when I close my eyes.
They are my people. I'm supposed to be with them. Not sure when, not sure how.
But this I know:
I will go back.
A call is heard. And I heard it perhaps when I was 5 or 20. It doesn't matter.
"The place where God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." - F. B.
My deepest joy is in being with them, them that know more about joy and suffering than I'll never know. Them who know what it is to go without food and give freely. Them who are poor, but don't rejoice in poverty.
I don't put them on a pedestal. I just love them. I don't applaud their suffering, I long to bear it with them.
I don't want to call them, "them." I want to know their names, their stories, their hopes, their dreams, their relationships with God.
I want to tell them of a God that loves them.
Although I have a feeling,
they know Him better than I do.
I am gripped. In Love.
All I need is the green light and I will be unstoppable.
How many years it's been since i started or let's say stopped my ministry, my visits to the slums.
To this day, I see pictures and I cry. I cry in a way that longs for release. Release back there.
It's not noble. It's not social. It's not the activist inside me.
All of that has been burned away, washed up by time. Cleared out by a Greater cause. Faded with Time.
But this has remained. It really has.
It's been 3 years since Kibera. 5 since the Philippines. 23 since I left my mother land.
My heart aches in a way I can't explain. It runs in my blood. Etched in my bones.
I smell it when I close my eyes.
They are my people. I'm supposed to be with them. Not sure when, not sure how.
But this I know:
I will go back.
A call is heard. And I heard it perhaps when I was 5 or 20. It doesn't matter.
"The place where God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." - F. B.
My deepest joy is in being with them, them that know more about joy and suffering than I'll never know. Them who know what it is to go without food and give freely. Them who are poor, but don't rejoice in poverty.
I don't put them on a pedestal. I just love them. I don't applaud their suffering, I long to bear it with them.
I don't want to call them, "them." I want to know their names, their stories, their hopes, their dreams, their relationships with God.
I want to tell them of a God that loves them.
Although I have a feeling,
they know Him better than I do.
I am gripped. In Love.
All I need is the green light and I will be unstoppable.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Faith
I was desperate today for some sort of answer, something to tell me that I'm not crazy. So I played that flippy game where you flip randomly through a book and hope you land on the page "you are supposed to read."
Yeah, I was that desperate.
The book I happened to flip through is called "How to be a Proverbs 31 woman"
And the chapter I flipped to was: "A Woman of Faith."
God likes to really be clear that this is currently the season I am in. Even in trivial flipping of pages, He will bring it back to His purposes.
Here's an excerpt, mainly because I ran out of pages in my journal so I have to document it somewhere:
"The spiritual woman sees herself as a stranger and a wanderer on the earth. She is looking for a better country, a heavenly one. She doesn't build a house, but lives in a tent, waiting for a home with a better foundation.
She may be mocked by words like: 'You're living in a a dream world.' (This could be from others or from her own mind!) That is why faith is having hope in things not seen. Without such faith, it is impossible to please God."
We have faith not in the assurance of circumstances or our expectations, but in God alone.
To aid us, God gives us His enduring word knowing that the word that goes out of His mouth will not return void, but will accomplish the purpose for which it was sent. (Isaiah 55)
Have you ever felt like you are outside yourself watching yourself?
Every day that is how I feel. Nothing is actually real to me any more. I literally only have God's word and what He's said.
Seriously be careful what you pray for because God will answer it in a way that ends all other assurances leaving you with one thing:
That the One who called you is faithful and He will do it. (1 Thessalonians 5: 24)
Yeah, I was that desperate.
The book I happened to flip through is called "How to be a Proverbs 31 woman"
And the chapter I flipped to was: "A Woman of Faith."
God likes to really be clear that this is currently the season I am in. Even in trivial flipping of pages, He will bring it back to His purposes.
Here's an excerpt, mainly because I ran out of pages in my journal so I have to document it somewhere:
"The spiritual woman sees herself as a stranger and a wanderer on the earth. She is looking for a better country, a heavenly one. She doesn't build a house, but lives in a tent, waiting for a home with a better foundation.
She may be mocked by words like: 'You're living in a a dream world.' (This could be from others or from her own mind!) That is why faith is having hope in things not seen. Without such faith, it is impossible to please God."
We have faith not in the assurance of circumstances or our expectations, but in God alone.
To aid us, God gives us His enduring word knowing that the word that goes out of His mouth will not return void, but will accomplish the purpose for which it was sent. (Isaiah 55)
Have you ever felt like you are outside yourself watching yourself?
Every day that is how I feel. Nothing is actually real to me any more. I literally only have God's word and what He's said.
Seriously be careful what you pray for because God will answer it in a way that ends all other assurances leaving you with one thing:
That the One who called you is faithful and He will do it. (1 Thessalonians 5: 24)
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Let's please pray prayers worthy of a God
He had a gleam in his eye when I came home today. Like the time you find money in your pocket you never knew existed or how or when it got there.
He had a pep in his step. Mischievous. Beautiful.
Out of his torn pajama pocket, he pulled out a slip from a fortune cookie. He had a low blood sugar attack and had sought refuge in the Asian treat.
"When you awaken tomorrow morning, the solutions will be clear."
See because that's the way our God works. Bushes, donkeys, ethnic snack foods, everything around us sings the song of a Maker so utterly committed to His creation.
And that's all he needed. Beasthood.
Against all odds, he made phone calls. Against all the no's, he searched for that Greater Yes. Because one time God said, "Before you even acknowledge me, I strengthen you."
And he found victory. A way to stay afloat in the midst of this sad economy. Because again, God doesn't work on stats, but on faith.
He said, "God always gives me something to hold on to."
Tears flooded my eyes. This coming from a man that used to say, "God is not for me."
But this was the clincher:
She sat.
Quiet. Eerily relaxed.
"You were right, she said,
He really has changed."
And 34 years of no's broke. 34 years of unanswered prayers seemed like an instant.
Prayers I prayed since I was 8, but God only saw this moment.
I never thought it possible to hear those words from her mouth. A mouth so laden with fear and bitterness, always ready for disappointment, so expectant of disaster.
I thought to myself, "So have you."
A new heavens and a new earth.
"In the days to come, Jacob will take root, Israel will bud and blossom
AND FILL ALL THE WORLD WITH FRUIT." - Isaiah 27:6
Keep praying prayers only a God can answer.
He deserves nothing less.
He had a pep in his step. Mischievous. Beautiful.
Out of his torn pajama pocket, he pulled out a slip from a fortune cookie. He had a low blood sugar attack and had sought refuge in the Asian treat.
"When you awaken tomorrow morning, the solutions will be clear."
See because that's the way our God works. Bushes, donkeys, ethnic snack foods, everything around us sings the song of a Maker so utterly committed to His creation.
And that's all he needed. Beasthood.
Against all odds, he made phone calls. Against all the no's, he searched for that Greater Yes. Because one time God said, "Before you even acknowledge me, I strengthen you."
And he found victory. A way to stay afloat in the midst of this sad economy. Because again, God doesn't work on stats, but on faith.
He said, "God always gives me something to hold on to."
Tears flooded my eyes. This coming from a man that used to say, "God is not for me."
But this was the clincher:
She sat.
Quiet. Eerily relaxed.
"You were right, she said,
He really has changed."
And 34 years of no's broke. 34 years of unanswered prayers seemed like an instant.
Prayers I prayed since I was 8, but God only saw this moment.
I never thought it possible to hear those words from her mouth. A mouth so laden with fear and bitterness, always ready for disappointment, so expectant of disaster.
I thought to myself, "So have you."
A new heavens and a new earth.
"In the days to come, Jacob will take root, Israel will bud and blossom
AND FILL ALL THE WORLD WITH FRUIT." - Isaiah 27:6
Keep praying prayers only a God can answer.
He deserves nothing less.
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