Worship is my sacrifice

How can I not praise You?

How can that not be my only job really?

You are infinitely worthy of praise

You never give up on me. Never.

You are always willing to remind me.

You put up with my need to control, my need to be busy all the time

And then when I've driven myself into a hole, you are patient enough to dig me out of it.

You want the very very very best for me. Why? I don't deserve it. I don't deserve Your best or Your willingness to train me to receive it and wait for it.

And yet each day You write me a love song. And You sing its chorus to me when I look at the sky. You sing a verse when I clean a patient. You sing its second verse when I look into my mother's eyes and tell her I'm not her answer.

I don't deserve your song. And I drown it out. Fill my ears with the opinions of others. Fill my ears with the glorification of being busy, of being occupied all the time.

But You wait patiently. Because then you hum it until I'm ready to listen. But sometimes You belt it, You scream it because I need rescuing.

How can I not constantly praise You? When You are so for me. Even when things come crashing down, my darkness is light to You.

You know me. Love is merely the skin of knowing they say. And You know the hairs on my head, You knew me in my mother's womb. It really is too lofty for me to understand this.

Sometimes this knowing is too unbelievable to me so I reduce it. I box it up. Categorize to more manageable levels. But You shatter it each time. Each time You remind me of a critical lab to draw at work that slipped my mind. Each time I look into the eyes of a trusted friend and see You shining through whether that friend realizes it or not. Each time I cry out from loneliness or defeat. Each time I hold a hand of a patient. When I google AMC. When I go to Mexico and am given the chance to diagnose and prescribe without human training.

I love You. I love You so much it scares me what I'm willing to give up for You. But then I realize that even that willingness and even my love for You comes from You.

You really are the best thing about me. You really are the one and only reason I breathe.