something

i have to write it down before i forget. grace and truth often come so swiftly it takes years to recover.

i dont know what triggered my memory of this day.

it was the beginning of summer. skid row. the place with so many misconceptions and so many broken expectations. a forgotten mass of people waiting for just one person to say, "I still believe in you."

and there we were, the five of us. mental illness, drug abuse, homelessness, child custody battle, rape just five broken women wanting to just be.

i was so nervous that day as i waited for them. People said, "You're going to go on a field trip to the beach with four homeless women from skid row by yourself? Stop trying to save the world. What difference is it going to make?"

Blunted by the deception of their lies, nervous from my own insecurities and sobered by the realities of what I had undertaken I pursued on. Packed lunches, got bus tokens, got cash for ice cream and decided to believe even when i couldn't see.

i wish i could express the intense freedom we felt as we pulled away from the smells, trash, screams, crack pipes and indifference. as we looked back and saw that even if it were for a few hours, we could get away.

and as the ocean breeze met us and the water spilled over our toes, we were one. D., C., M., C. and I. It was the great equalizer. Watching my teachers, my sisters, my friends, enjoying themselves, finding companionship and support from one another, feeling like women again.

i saw the labels drift off into the salted air. the stigma of poverty vanish. we were all poor in spirit and we needed on another.

i wonder what it would be like if we saw past all the labels. the boxes we place on ourselves and one another. if we could just be people in need. a woman who needs help. a man who needs a job. a child who needs a friend. it shouldn't matter why. it shouldn't matter whose fault. it shouldn't matter how much we can give of ourselves. what matters is that we do something.

something. small or big. something that requires more than writing a check or reading google news.

because who knows if my sisters even remember that day. who knows if it was a huge deal to them. but it was something. it was an attempt to break down walls. an attempt to find freedom. one step away from hell toward something better.

i think God can use that. if He can multiply five loaves and fishes into 5000, i think he can multiply what mediocrities we offer up.

so my resolution yet again:

do something. help one. look toward. give. look up. don't ever give into cowardly pessimism that says change isn't possible.