You are worth more than many sparrows

Today I realize what I've actually wanted my whole life.

I sought relationships for this. I sought money, degrees, titles, affirmation for this.

All I've actually wanted my whole life is to be protected. Safe. Secure. To know that I belong, that I'm advocated for.

As a young girl I didn't get this. As a young adult I sought this in all the wrong places.

As I young woman, I finally realize the truth:

My Heavenly Father is my protector.

This seems SO basic and yet I never fully understood this.

I don't belong to anyone. God is so jealous over me. He owns me. He takes pride over me. He is for me. He is very concerned with the little and big things in my life. He cares about how much sleep I get, what I eat, what I drink, how I drive, how I talk.

He cares about who my boss is, what I do day-to-day, who I talk to you, who talks to me. I'm not some pawn He takes advantage of.

I'm His precious daughter. He PROTECTS me.

This is a security I've never fully experienced.

It frees me to be fully myself and unto Him knowing that I don't answer to others, but to Him alone. I don't prove myself to anyone but Him.

So I take back my life from the men that I've given my security to. I take back my life from the bosses that don't see my full potential. I take back my life from the people who are jealous of me, think less of me.

I rest securely in the arms of my Protector and Keeper. He is my Portion. He is my body guard.

Matthew 10: 27-31

"What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

My Father loves me. My Father protects me. My Father is committed to me.

I seek His face alone.

"Do not awaken love until the right time"

You are a beautiful garden. Each seed planted with care, tenderness, precision. You are beautiful, precious, well-watered.

Your fragrance can change the course of nations. Your heart beats with things not yet born. Your heart has the capacity to birth, feed, restore, strengthen.

You are a beautiful garden. Each flower blooming at the sound of its Maker. Each grain of soil placed perfectly to breed life.

Precious, protected, guarded.

This is the heart of a woman. We are wholly different from our other halves. This difference doesn't make us better, it makes us women.

It is in this precious difference that God is actually glorified.

So why write about it?

Because we must protect it. We must protect this precious land. The lavish scent of God's maternity.

We have the capacity to be wives, mothers, women who birth Kingdoms.

Protect it. Don't give it away so easily. Even in a passing conversation. Even in a fleeting comment. Even in a prayer prayed too soon. No one should trod in this garden until He opens the gate. Until he has been given the green light from Him.

And as we protect it, we protect his heart as well. The man destined to be the only one to smell the roses.

Let us not be women too quick to open our hearts and too bold to pry into his.

He too is a well-watered garden, beautiful, generous, deeply rooted. We have no right there until the right time.

I desire to protect his heart even more than I desire to protect my own. His heart, the heart of the one God has for me. Wherever he may be, near or far.

We are gardens, occupied solely by our Maker until He deems it time to make both gardens one, fruitful, open, glorious field.

Until then, my heart belongs only to Him. He is my Lover, my Husband. I adore and worship Him alone until He is ready to share me with another.

The gates are closed. Securely.

And in this security, I rest and revel. Amen.